Anger is the feeling we experience when events in our world are not
going according to our plans.
Anger is one of the most common and
destructive delusions affecting our minds.
Because it is based on an
exaggeration, anger is an expression of our belief system and how we
defend it.
It's as if we have an inner idea of how things, events and
people should be for us.
When we get angry and either feel frustrated
or try to change them, we tend to give away our power! Many of us
remain a victim to our tempers all of our lives.
In essence, anger is
the feeling we get when we want to control the world around us.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, anger is most prevalent in the
Spring. It is considered the emotion of Spring.
Although we can and
do experience anger at any time or season, it is Spring when we are
most easily angered.
This is believed to be due to the changes of
light and dark and the balance between them.
It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever
unhappiness we feel.
If we are forever blaming our difficulties on
others, this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and
faults within our own mind.
If we were truly peaceful inside and had
our mind under control, difficult people or circumstances would not
be able to disturb this peace, and so we would feel no compulsion to
blame anyone or regard them as our enemy.
To someone who has subdued
his or her mind and eradicated the last trace of anger, all beings
are friends.
Techniques for Managing Anger
1.
The first step towards managing anger, is to identify which
attitudes and convictions that many predispose us to being
excessively angry in the first place! Once these beliefs have been
identified, it is important to take steps to understand and correct
them, if need be.
2.
The second step is to realize that anger is a natural human
emotion and it is not the emotion of anger that tends to be a
problem. The problem is the mismanagement of our anger.
Mismanaged
anger and rage are the major cause of conflicts in our lives.
This
mismanagement often has roots from our childhood that prevents us
from expressing our anger as appropriately as we should.
These
factors include fear, denial, ignorance and impatience.
These factors
can derail the appropriate management of our anger towards others.
Learning to understand and change these factors in ourselves, will
allow us to express our suppressed anger in a more appropriate way.
3.
The third step is learning the appropriate ways of expressing
our " honest and legitimate" anger at others so that we can begin to
cope more effectively with anger provoking situations as they come up
in our lives.
When we are anxious or depressed, we are often
experiencing the consequences of our suppressed anger.
The problem is
that we have suppressed our anger so deeply that we succeeded in
concealing it from our own selves! All we are left with is the
residual evidence of it, our anxiety or our depression.
When we are
depressed, very often we are also angry at ourselves without
realizing it.
Learning to appropriately manage our anger at ourselves
is the antidote to much of alcoholism, drugs and sexual abuse.
4.
The fourth step in the Anger Management process is to approach
anger by taking responsibility for our own reactions and behavior.
We
can do this by addressing our anger with the following coping
techniques:
1.
Listen to other people, first: listen carefully to what is being
said.
Do not have a preconceived opinion before you hear what is
being said. Remember, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
2. Think carefully about what you want to say: before you say it.
slow down.
What is the underlying factor in your anger? Fear, denial,
impatience?
3. Be clear about what you are going to express.
: Your objective is
not to belittle, berate, be sarcastic or attack someone, because
their opinion is different than yours.
4.
If their statement is pushing your anger button: know why! Try to
understand the root of your own anger.
Look at why they have formed
such an opinion.
5.
Express yourself by saying: "I feel angry with (you, them, this
situation) because..." Stay calm in the face of your own and the
other person's anger.
The worse thing to do if someone is angry
toward you is to shout back at them! Be patient and ask questions to
get to the heart of problem.
Try being carefully assertive, rather
than aggressive.
6. Make lifestyle changes.
Making small changes in your life can
allow you to reap great rewards.
7.
Get regular exercise: This can help to prevent the accumulation of
tension and will give you regular time away from everyday stress.
8. Learn relaxation exercises such as yoga and meditation.
These
forms of exercise will help to release tension in a controlled,
healthy way.
9. Change your environment.
Find alternatives for situations which
add stress to your life. Schedule time to relax and unwind.
10.
Learn to express your feelings: either by talking to a friend or
by venting feelings in other ways, perhaps creatively through
painting, journaling or taking on a new hobby.
Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac.
http://www.peacefulmind.com/spring.htmTherapies for healing
mind, body, spirit
